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Friday, October 1, 2010

Blogging or Cyber Bullying?

With the emphasis on our kids regarding the problems with cyber bullying on facebook and other social networks,  I can't help but wonder if this disturbing trend has found its way into the circle of adults who blog.

A few weeks ago, I posted about a privacy issue I've had over the last several months since discovering that a person who is not a friend to me or my husband has found my blog.  Sadly, she has attempted on more than one occasion to use its content to create trouble between me and my stepchildren.  I'm happy to say she has NOT been successful.

Now I've found out that someone who lives in her town and knows who she is was doing an innocent cyber search regarding menopause and happened to find my blog.  After looking around at a few of my older posts, she recognized our dysfunctional family.  She contacted a mutual friend of ours who confirmed that Menopausal New Mom is written by me.

So here is the question I have for all of you.

When I write my stories and make the odd backhanded remark about this person who has been stalking reading my blog, is that Cyber Bullying?

I have to admit the bitch in me enjoys getting in a dig at someone who tries to create trouble within my family based on information in my blog that really shouldn't interest her.

The other side of me knows the remarks are likely hurtful and not necessary and don't add any value to the content of my posts.

So out of respect for my stepchildren who should not have to listen to the bitching and complaining about my blog and its content, I will no longer be referring to this stalker person in future posts.


What do you think?  When does blogging cross the line and become cyber bullying?

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~Shari said...

I personally do NOT think it is Cyberbullying. What I do think is .. for the sake of your children and steps children - just forget about her. I think she is getting her jollies every time you put a dig into her. Just - because she did get you to comment about her.

Move on.. forget her.. You have more important things to worry about.. ONE being picking MY name for (at least ) ONE of your giveaways. :P

*huggles to you*

Pink Haired Momma said...

Oh Deb i am so sorry you have to deal with such immaturity!! But i think you are handling it fabulous.

I dont think what you are doing is cyber bullying. Blogs are the authors expression, in our case our expression through our daily lives of motherhood. Everything we encounter and write about from our daily lives are part of that motherhood. And if you feel like expressing something about another person who has caused you happiness, pain, laughter or sadness then that is your right. With no names mentioned, no personal information, its your freedom to do so!

My stepbrothers mother tried to file a law suit against me because i posted "my brother" in one of my post. Now mind you "my Brother" is almost 30 and his parents have been divorced 20 plus years. No case! LOL

I am again sorry you have to deal with such ccrap, but I strongly believe that if its a story, post, comment you have passion for to write then its your right to do so!

Liz Mays said...

I don't feel as if that was cyberbullying. I think it was just being honest about having found out someone was reading your blog and expressing your discomfort with it. You're probably wise to ignore it all on behalf of the kids. What a gal you are!

Unknown said...

Truthfully put a kabosh on her activites, blogger and wordpress both offer you the ability to find where ISP are coming from and you can block individual ones at the click of a button. Simple solution to a juvenile problem. Seriously though yeah ignore her.. let her go and look like an idiot

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

The first thing that came to mind was, gee we're in menopause and we still have to deal with a-holes like this? This isn't high school.
This is To your stalker if you are reading, "Grow the F up!
If your life is so damn boring that all you have time to do is make trouble for others I suggest you enroll in a class or better yet see a Psychiatrist because you need a lot of help."

Whew I feel better.

I hope you can keep blogging and just ignore her. She obviously likes the attention so don't give it to her. We like reading you so hang in there!

Anonymous said...

I don't think it was cyberbullying at all, but you're a good person to even consider the issue because the people who do bully don't think twice about it. I believe she would be the cyberbully here! Honestly, what gets to a person like her is ignoring her. It's hard, but that really is the best way to deal with her. She was leaving comments to get to you and if you play into that, she's happy.

Closer to Lucy said...

As a wicked stepmother myself I know just what you are talking about....yucko!

Isn't family blending hard enough without stalker drama?

I don't think that your little digs (which seem earned)fall any place close to cyber bullying. Legally this is actually a term that only applies to children...though is sounds as though she is the child, but still..

Keep being you, jackholes will always find a way to steal your joy. If you change up, she'll just use a different door.

It's not like you seek her out or even call her out by name, it would be a whole other game if you were posting it on HER Facebook or sending her email.She can always close her browser though you could just block her.

KristinFilut said...

Oh Deb, you are so NOT a cyberbully. Have feelings about and reacting to circumstances in the manner you have chosen is not nasty or hurtful. You have not named this woman, you have not dredged up ugly things about her and thrown it out there for the world to see. Yes, you've name called, but so what. Do what you've gotta do to keep your family unit safe.

Stacy Uncorked said...

I definitely would not consider it cyberbullying - you didn't post her name or where she lives or rally the troops to flog her, so you're good.

But the simple fact that you care and worry about how it affects your family shows me that you're one helluva woman! :)

Aloha: Haloween Dress-Up

Unknown said...

I do not necessarily find it to be cyber-bullying, however... just think how she'll feel now, still reading, still stalking, but NEVER EVER being talked about.
Way less fun!

Tin said...

I think it is a little, and maybe a little jealousy.

I think women are just mean no matter how old they are, grade school, middle school, high school and I thought it would get better after that, I have been proven wrong on many occasions.

I love your blog, I found you on Follow Friday 40 and Over, I have two blogs, I also deal with menopause and have since I was 27 so I have a lot of experience.

Unknown said...

I feel like there should be some sort of support group "Im so and so and I have a stalker". LOL. My ex has stalked me for years online and in real life. Im used to it now but used to hide just about everything personal about my life until I realized I was making myself a shut in. Now I just relax. I would just be you and comment on your life.

I will add that even tho I have lightened up I dont (even when I would love too!) vent online about my stalker ex - mainly because I do think he gets alot of satisfaction to know that what he does affects my life - I dont want to give him that. Good luck! :)

Unknown said...

I'm sorry you having to put up with this! Don't people have anything better to do? I have to be honest and say I haven't read all of the other posts you're talking about, but based on what I have seen in the other comments you haven't even named this person. It's certainly not bullying. It's their problem they even know about your blog. However, I agree with your choice to put the kids first. If it is at all interferring on thier lives, you're doing the right thing by letting it go. Again, so sorry! You'll probably feel better by not even giving her the time of day on on blog! :)

Tammy said...

I think this "stalker" is just jealous of what you have. So she tries to make trouble where she thinks she can. I think you are doing the right thing about not mentioning her from now on. She obviously needs some help!

Unknown said...

Geewhiz! There's always ants at a picnic--wouldn't be a picnic without them no matter how much we wish it wasn't so. Treat her like the pest she is--brush her off and get on with life.

On the other hand, my mother always told me not to put in writing anything I didn't want people to see. If you are honest and loving in what you write, you can rest in peace knowing you have done nothing wrong.

Blessings, Rosemary

won said...

It is not cyber bullying if you do it on your blog and do not draw attention to it. Same as if I was sitting in your living room having coffee with you, and you said "You know, I really think Mary is ____" or "I would really like to punch Mary in the nose sometimes!"

That's not bullying. That's sharing your feelings and taking care of you by expressing yourself. Now if you went to Mary's family and said that, or to her house and said that, it be bullying. Just as if you went to Mary's blog and said the comments you say here - on your personal space. And I did not hear you say you are doing that.

*Have to say that I made up the name up Mary not knowing anybody involved here. Any similarity to anyone living or otherwise is purely coincidental.

wendy said...

HI---found you through Java's blog...Over 40
adult cyber sad
as adults you would certainly thing we'd know better then that and be mature enough to not "bully"

seriously, if a person has to be mean to find their worth in life, how sad is that.

Jacqui said...

I would have to say that no, that is not cyber bullying. Isn't cyber bullying when you go to sites that you know they frequent and post about them and bash them?

This is YOUR blog. You have the right to say or vent about anything and everything you want to. It is a journal of what you are going through. If someone you know comes across it and feels that you are writing about them? Well, that's pretty egotistical of them as far as I am concerned. If you are not mentioning them out right by their name, there should be no complaints.

However, when children are thrown into the mix, then yes, you do need to be careful. I will admit that I've posted a few rants on my personal blog, but I would not show my daughter those rants. I also know that neither would the other people in her life because it would shine a bad light on them. I don't even think my ex or his wife look at my blogs thank goodness, lol. Good luck with this!

And sorry about putting down twice that I am following you and asking you to follow back! There should be someplace that we can easily look at showing that you are a follower! lol.

Have a great weekend!

Unknown said...

To me, someone's blog is like their house-in cyberspace. When people stop by, they should be respectful and polite and not snitchy and ugly. If they don't like what you have to say, they know how to hit the red X in the top right corner. If they know you personally and try to twist your words and use it against you personally, that is worthy of you Chuck Norris roundhousing them into the next galaxy. You do what you have to, because after all, they started it and deserve whatever they get for their behavior.

The same goes with people who leave snitchy comments under "anonymous" on blogs. I call it a "drive by comment" because they don't have the nerve to use their name. I've had a couple of those myself, and they always come out of left field, so you know they're crazies.

You go!! Give her hell!

Linda Medrano said...

I hate that you have to deal with this. I sometimes feel like I should be careful what I say so as not to ever offend anyone even possibly. But if you are going to blog, this would certainly curb your style. And frankly, I don't think you need curbing either!

Karen T said...

I think cyber bullying is when you bring the negativity to them. She doesn't have to read YOUR blog and you aren't identifying her by name or picture. The joy of blogging is to be able to get things out of your system and it does get complicated when it leaks into your personal life. Taking the higher road is great, but I would support you either way.

Kat said...

What you have done is NOT cyberbullying. Never fear.

Ocean Breezes and Country Sneezes said...

As a technology/media teacher I don't think what you are doing is cyber bullying. You are not naming the witch so I wouldn't worry. If you are concerned you should check out some books on the topic at your local library, hope I was helpful! Let me know if you'd like me to suggest some books for you.

Heather said...

This is a topic I have been sruggling with lately. I want soo badly to talk about a certain person in my family that is causing lots of stress, but I don't cause I don't want it to appear as if I am bullying her.

gayle said...

Deb you know how I feel about this!!!

Did I tell you that a few months ago someone put really ugly comments on my posts all because I supported another blogger who happened to be male. It was very scary.....I had to set my comment to moderation for awhile.

NYCGAL said...

What really is disturbing to me is that grown women are doing this and engaging in behavior that is quite disturbing. I had a friend (who is no longer my friend) bashing me all over Facebook and it hurt me deeply. She even went to the extent of lieing to a dear friend of mine and we almost lost our friendship. She continues to try to friend my friends on Facebook and thank God my gfs on there have seen her in action and don't befriend her. I just don't get it. I did nothing but love this woman and in the end I got hurt. I will no longer allow just anyone in my life and am very picky about the gfs that I befriend.