If Anyone is Curious...

Today I've reposted my first blog entry for anyone who is at all curious about how I became a Menopausal New Mom.  Back in April when it was first published, I had no followers but really needed a place to vent not only my frustration but to journal my confusion somewhere, anywhere.  So here is a condensed version:

It came in the form of a phone call.  The nurse from my doctor's office where I had recently had my annual check-up. "Did you get the results of my hormone tests?" I asked, anxious to find out why my periods had been so inconsistent lately believing it was my bodies way of trying to readjust after my recent pregnancy.

"Oh yes." she replied "You have the hormone levels of a post-menopausal woman, you're in menopause.  Nothing to worry about, you're normal, we'll see you next year for your check-up. Bye."  click.

What did she just say!!  Was that it?  I stared into the phone and then looked over at my daughter sitting in her highchair eating cereal. This can't be right, or is it? I'm 47 now. Maybe this is normal or is it?  Do I have to figure this out at the same time I'm trying to adjust to being a first-time mom?!!

The only difference I had noticed was my periods had become inconsistent. Surely my recent pregnancy had triggered that, not menopause. How could this happen now when I needed every bit of energy I had left in my body to raise this child? I couldn't be sidetracked with the challenge of facing menopause too! At least not yet!

Life was finally getting back to being somewhat normal. We had moved twice in the last two years and I was making the difficult transition from career woman, to new wife, to stay-at-home mom and now this! I couldn't help but wonder, "Who the Hell am I now?"

Before all these changes, I had worked in the insurance industry, every position from reception right up to traveling on the road doing sales and service. More than 20 years of building up a rewarding career that had allowed me to buy a home, travel, do whatever I felt like.

I hadn't married or lived common-law. I was one of those women who could enter any room full of men and walk out with the only one who was unemployed, drank too much, already had a girlfriend, and was  living in his mother's basement. I was a magnet for this type. My friends at work used to joke about how my life could be any "movie of the week". Most of them were living the traditional life of being married to a nice guy and raising a family. Not me,  but at least at that time I had a clear perception of who I was.

I couldn't help but wonder "What the Hell was I thinking?!!" At the age of 44,  I had married a nice, self-employed older man who already had four children, either in university or on their own. Life was going to be good, just the two of us other than the occasional short visit from one of his kids. What I didn't know at that time was how much my husband missed raising children now that his were finally out of the house.

During my single years, I had lots of time on my hands to read and I had seen those articles about how difficult it was to become pregnant in your late 30's and nearly impossible once you reached the age of  40. The odds of becoming pregnant now were extremely low, probably impossible even if I did seek medical intervention, which I wasn't going to do. My own eggs?  Impossible at this age.

So there I was, 44 years old and well aware of how remote my chances of becoming pregnant without medical intervention were. They must be somewhere in the negative numbers by now I remember thinking. No problem. I'd stop taking birth control. I probably didn't need them anyway and it would satisfy my husband who wanted to make sure that if there could be a child in our future, at least we were allowing nature to take its course.

So there you have it, me pregnant within a month of getting married and then right into menopause two years later! A definite Menopausal New Mom and thanks to being able to blog it out, I'm finally at peace with it all!!